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David Cross Quotes (1964-)
Actor, King
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Explore our curated collection of the most famous and impactful David Cross quotes.
βIf the terrorists hated freedom, the Netherlands would be fucking dust.β
βThe South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.β
β[On the Catholic Church's sex scandals] And y'know, they're God's representatives, so that means... God fucks little boys.β
βHigh Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know...β
βWe get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur.β
β[On marketing and commercials] HENDERSON VALLEY EGGS! You're gonna love our eggs!!!... [cut to small granny in rockin chair] I like eggs the old fashioned way. [return to youth] "Fuck you granny!" [punch mimic]β
βIt's hip to be square. Remember that shitty song by that shitty band 20 motherfuckin' years ago?β
β[On the Iraq War] I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. [laughter, long pause] No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are...β
βIn New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty minutes...you have to decide, immediately, you have to go "Ohmigod. Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world?"β
βAll my friends are always telling me how hard it is to have kids. 'Oh, David, it's so hard.' That's not hard. I'll tell you what hard is. Try talking your girlfriend into her third consecutive abortion. Yeah, that's hard, that takes finesse. Youβre just inconvenienced.β
David Cross Quotes by Topic
Find exactly what you are looking for by browsing this categorized list of David Cross quotes by topic.
David Cross on War on terror
David Cross on Human sacrifice
βSo I was watching all the Katrina coverage and I got really angry at... Christians who didn't pray hard enough... It's their fucking fault. First off, they needed to pray against the people that were praying for Katrina to hit, because New Orleans is a den of sin and iniquity; an area where gay people dance! But now they have to pray double, and if they had just put that little effort up front, we could've avoided all of this. I think it's time we take a lesson from history, and return to human sacrifice.β
About David Cross
David Cross (born April 4, 1964) is an American stand-up comedian and actor.