Martial Quotes (41-104)

“My books need no one to accuse or judge you: the page which is yours stands up against you and says, "You are a thief."”

“He who prefers to give Linus the half of what he wishes to borrow, rather than to lend him the whole, prefers to lose only the half.”

“Labienus, each hair on your bosom that grows,   On your arms, on your legs, with much trouble You shave, and your belly's appurtenance shews   Like a newly mown field with its stubble, Thus blooming and sweet, as the breath of the morn.   Your mistress entwines you, fond boy. But you've something behind, neatly shaven and shorn,   That is scarcely a mistress's toy.”

“I passed a whole night with a lascivious girl, whose wickednessNequitias, wickedness," so we say playfully of an accomplished performer, "a wicked little devil," meaning that she was up to every dodge; in a word, an accomplished prostitute. no one could surpass. Tired of a thousand pranks, I begged that boyish favour,Boyish favour, i.e., I asked her to let me have her a l'Italienne. before my prayer was finished, my first utterance, 'twas granted. Smiling and blushing I asked for something worse,Something worse or literally more "shameless," i.e., I asked her to gamahuche me. she voluptuously promised it at once.She made no objection on the score of filthiness, but promised to do it; however, she wanted so much extra that I couldn't afford it, and consequently she was quoad her mouth, chaste to me. But you, Aeschylus, won't grudge your money on your favourite vice; go to her then and be gamahuched. But she was chaste to me. She will not be so to you, Aeschylus: if you want it, take this boon, but she will attach a condition.Conditio mala, literally "take this boon under an evil condition," similar to this use of mala is the phrase "to levy black mail."Last night the soft charms of an exquisite whore   Fulfilled every whim of my mind, Till, with fucking grown weary, I begged something more,   One bliss that still lingered behind. My prayer was accepted; the rose in the rear   Was opened to me in a minute; One rose still remained, which I asked of my dear,—   'Twas her mouth and the tongue that lay in it. She promised at once, what I asked her to do;   Yet her lips were unsullied by me. They'll not, my old friend, remain virgins for you,   Whose penchant exceeds e'en her fee.”

“You manufacture, with the aid of unguents, a false head of hair, and your bald and dirty skull is covered with dyed locks. There is no need to have a hairdresser for your head. A sponge, Phæbus, would do the business better.”

“In that you pluck each hair from your breast, from your legs, from your arms; in that your prick is shaven, and covered with short hairs; we all know of course, Labienus, that you do this for your mistress. But to whom do you offer your arse, which you shave, Labienus?”

“I pleaded your cause, Sextus, having agreed to do so for two thousand sesterces. How is it that you have sent me only a thousand? "You said nothing," you tell me; "and this cause was lost through you." You ought to give me so much the more, Sextus, as I had to blush for you.”

“However much Briseis towards Achilles Turned her white buttocks, fairer than twin lilies, He found below the smooth Patroclus' waist Enjoyment more congenial to his taste.”

“I have now gone through the first seven books of Martial, and have learned about 360 of the best lines. His merit seems to me to lie, not in wit, but in the rapid succession of vivid images. I wish he were less nauseous. ... Besides his indecency, his servility and his mendicancy disgust me.”

“Audio Valerium Martialem decessisse et moleste fero. Erat homo ingeniosus acutus acer, et qui plurimum in scribendo et salis haberet et fellis nec candoris minus. ... At non erunt aeterna, quae scripsit; non erunt fortasse, ille tamen scripsit, tamquam essent futura.”