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John Mulaney Quotes (1982-)
Actor, Writer, Producer
About John Mulaney
John Edmund Mulaney (born 26 August 1982) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer.
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“I dislike the Founding Fathers immensely.”
“I was a cool person at one time. I used to do cocaine.”
“I'm not saying it's a bad movie. It is, but that's not my point.”
“In terms of like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.”
“Famous people are weird as shit. They're all weird. Your suspicions are correct.”
“I don't know what my body is for other than just taking my head from room to room.”
“If you’re an adult male who sees no flaws in his father, you’re an insane person.”
“I was raised Catholic. I don't know if you can tell that from the everything about me.”
“I like having a puppy that's a bulldog, 'cause it's like having a baby that is also a grandma.”
“For those of you who aren't Catholic, I don't mean to exclude you, although we love to exclude you.”
“It is so much easier not to do things than to do them that you would do anything is totally remarkable.”
“You know those days when you're like, "this might as well happen". Adult life is already so goddamn weird.”
“I'm gross. I have hair on my shoulders now. I don't even have a joke for that, that's how much I hate that shit.”
“When I was in grade school, I was bullied for being Asian American. And the biggest problem with that is that I am not Asian American.”
“That's how I walk into rooms. I'm 35 years old, I am six feet tall. I lower myself, I go, "Hi. Knock knock." I say "knock, knock" out loud.”
“A "hero" is any man who does his job. You a lot of times see headlines that are like, "hero tutor teaches after school", and you're like, yeah.”
About John Mulaney
John Edmund Mulaney (born 26 August 1982) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer.