Alan Bennett Quotes (1934-)

Actor, Writer, King

About Alan Bennett

Alan Bennett (born 9 May 1934) is an English playwright, screenwriter, memoirist, essayist and actor. He first came to notice as a writer-performer of Beyond the Fringe. His plays include Forty Years On, An Englishman Abroad, Talking Heads, A Question of Attribution, The Madness of King George and The History Boys. He also created the sketch comedy On the Margin in 1966 with John Sergeant.

Best Alan Bennett Quotes

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Explore our curated collection of the most famous and impactful Alan Bennett quotes.

“Golightly: Call me Fingers.”
Alan Bennett
“George: I hate them all.”
“I lack what the English call character, by which they mean the power to refrain.”
“Headmaster: Memories are not shackles, Franklin, they are garlands.”
“Counsel: [You are charged with] loitering to commit a felony. Now then Mr Golightly...”
“I have no doubt that in heaven the angels will regard the blessed as a necessary evil.”
Alan Bennett
“To play Trivial Pursuit with a life like mine could be said to be a form of homeopathy.”
Alan Bennett
“Schweitzer in the Congo did not derive more moral credit than Larkin did for living in Hull.”
Alan Bennett
“That's a bit like asking a man crawling across the Sahara whether he would prefer Perrier or Malvern water.”
“"Then I want to end up 'Norwich. Well it's an epigrammatic way of saying 'Knickers off ready when I come home".”
“Schoolmaster: But God, whatever else He is, and of course He is everything else, is not a fool.”
“Headmaster: They were all socialists. Why is it always the intelligent people who are socialists?”
“Polly: Education with socialists, it's like sex, all right as long as you don't have to pay for it.”
Alan Bennett
“Geoff: We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community, but people wouldn't obey the rules.”
Alan Bennett
“He had never read Proust, but he had somehow taken a short cut across the allotments and arrived at the same conclusions.”
“The Channel is a slipper-bath of irony through which we pass these serious Continentals in order not to be infected by their gloom.”
“Headmaster: Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall.”
Alan Bennett
“Lady Dundown: How can the Zulu expect to be treated as civilized people if they declare war in the middle of the season!”
“Brian (asked how he feels about being a politician): Passes the time. Fills in that awkward gap between the cradle and the grave.”
“Polly: Question is whether you hate the coach party because they're like the dogs or hate the dogs because they're like the coach party.”
Alan Bennett
“The majority of people perform well in a crisis and when the spotlight is on them; it's on the Sunday afternoons of this life, when nobody is looking, that the spirit falters.”
“Lady Dundown: I have never understood this liking for war. It panders to instincts already catered for within the scope of any respectable domestic establishment.”
“An article on playwrights in the Daily Mail, listed according to Hard Left, Soft Left, Hard Right, Soft Right and Centre. I am not listed. I should probably come under Soft Centre.”
“Our father the novelist; my husband the poet. He belongs to the ages – just don't catch him at breakfast. Artists, celebrated for their humanity, they turn out to be scarcely human at all.”
Alan Bennett
“Mrs Wicksteed: Of course, I've known for years our marriage has been a mockery. My body lying there night after night in the wasted moonlight. I know now how the Taj Mahal must feel.”
Alan Bennett

Alan Bennett Quotes by Topic

Find exactly what you are looking for by browsing this categorized list of Alan Bennett quotes by topic.

Alan Bennett on Anarchism

“We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community, but people wouldn't obey the rules.”
Alan Bennett

Alan Bennett on Espionage

“Because something is not what it is said to be, Ma'am, does not mean it is a fake. It may just have been wrongly attributed.”
Alan Bennett

Alan Bennett on Mystery fiction

“Sapper, Buchan, Dornford Yates, practitioners in that school of Snobbery with Violence that runs like a thread of good-class tweed through twentieth-century literature.”
Alan Bennett

Alan Bennett on History

“Mrs. Lintott: Now. How do you define history, Mr. Rudge? Rudge: Can I speak freely, Miss? Without being hit? Mrs. Lintott: I will protect you. Rudge: How do I define history? It's just one fucking thing after another.”
Alan Bennett

Alan Bennett on Dogs

“That flaming dog has messed on our steps again. It's the one species I wouldn't mind seeing disappear from the face of the earth. I wish they were like the White Rhino -- six of them left in the Serengeti National Park, and all males. Do you know what dogs are? They're those beer-sodden soccer fans piling out of coaches in a lay-by, yanking their cocks out without a blush and pissing up against the wall thirty-nine in a row. I can't stand it.”
Alan Bennett

What Alan Bennett Said About Others

Discover personal opinions Alan Bennett shared regarding contemporaries.

Alan Bennett on Franz Kafka

“He is interested in the feelings of the squash ball, and of the champagne bottle that launches the ship. In a football match his sympathy is not with either of the teams but with the ball, or, in a match ending nil-nil, with the hunger of the goalmouth.”
Alan Bennett

About Alan Bennett

Alan Bennett (born 9 May 1934) is an English playwright, screenwriter, memoirist, essayist and actor. He first came to notice as a writer-performer of Beyond the Fringe. His plays include Forty Years On, An Englishman Abroad, Talking Heads, A Question of Attribution, The Madness of King George and The History Boys. He also created the sketch comedy On the Margin in 1966 with John Sergeant.