Kin Hubbard Quotes (1868-1930)

“Never tell the box-office man that you can't hear well or he will sell you a seat where you can't see either.”

“Don't knock th' weather. Nine-tenths o' th' people couldn' start a conversation if it didn' change once in a while.”

“Now an' then an innocent man is sent t' th' legislature.
• Variant: Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.”

“Some folks can look so busy doin' nothin' that they seem indispensable.
• Variant: Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.”

“When a fellow says, "It hain't the money, but th' principle o' the thing," it's th' money.
• Variant: When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.”

“We’d all like t’vote fer th’best man, but he’s never a candidate.
• The Best of Kin Hubbard (1984) Variant: We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate.”

“Gittin' talked about is one o' th' penalties for bein' purty, while bein' above suspicion is about th' only compensation fer bein' homely.
• Variant: Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely.”

“Nine-tenths of our crimes an' calamities are made possible by th' automobile. It has unleashed all th' pent-up criminal tendencies o' th' ages. It's th' central figure in murders, hold-ups, burglaries, accidents, elopements, failures an' abscondments. It has well nigh jimmed th' American home.... No girl is missin' that wuzn' last seen steppin' in a strange automobile.... An' ther hain't a day rolls by that somebuddy hain't sellin' ther sewin' machine, or ther home, or somethin' t' pay on an automobile.... Maybe th' jails an' workhouses are empty, but that's not because th' world is gittin' better. It's because all th' criminals escape in automobiles.”