The Witches of Eastwick (film) Quotes

“Cher - Alexandra Medford”

“Keith Jochim - Walter Neff”

“Richard Jenkins - Clyde Alden”

“Susan Sarandon - Jane Spofford”

“Something wicked this way comes.”

“Michelle Pfeiffer - Sukie Ridgemont”

“Three Beautiful Women. One Lucky Devil.”

“Three beautiful Witches, One lucky Devil”

“Carel Struycken - Fidel”

“Jack Nicholson - Daryl Van Horne”

“Veronica Cartwright - Felicia Alden”

“Rotten Tomatoes: The Witches of Eastwick”

“I see men, sixty, seventy years old breaking their balls to stay fit! What for? When I die, I want to be sick, not healthy.”

“Internet Movie Database (IMDb): The Witches of Eastwick”

“Wikipedia: The Witches of Eastwick (film)”

“Men are such cocksuckers aren't they? You don't have to answer that. It's true. They're scared. Their dicks get limp when confronted by a woman of obvious power and what do they do about it? Call them witches, burn them, torture them, until every woman is afraid. Afraid of herself... afraid of men... and all for what? Fear of losing their hard-on.”

“[Last lines] [Daryl appears on the multiple video monitor screens] Take it easy. We don't want the whole household in here, do we, boys? That's it. Good boys, we're gonna do just fine. Now come on, come on to daddy and gimme a big kiss. Come on, good boys, come on. Come on, come to daddy, cootchie, cootchie, cootchie, coo.[sounds of babies overlapping] That's it, come on, come on. come on. [laughs, his face then reacts in dismay as the scene cuts to the three witches approaching, with Sukie holding the montitors' remote control] Aw ladies, come on. [Sukie presses the "off" button, turning off the screen and ending the film]”

“Sorry, uh, just having a little trouble, a little trouble at home. A little domestic problem. Nothing to be alarmed at. Just a little female problem. Hi. [he vomits] Don't pay any attention. It's a cheap trick. Anybody can do it. I taught it to them myself. Ungrateful little bitches, aren't they? May I ask you something? You're all church-going folk. I really want to ask you something. Do you think God knew what He was doing when He created woman? Huh? No shit! I really want to know. Or do you think it was just another one of his minor mistakes like tidal waves, earthquakes, floods! Do you think women are like that? [he pukes again] What's the matter? You don't think God makes mistakes? Of course He does. We all make mistakes! Of course, when we make mistakes, they call it evil! When God makes mistakes, they call it nature. [laughs] So whaddya think? Women. A mistake?! Or did He DO IT TO US ON PURPOSE!? Because I really want to know! Because if it's a mistake, maybe we can do somethin' about it! Find a cure! Invent a vaccine! Build up our immune systems! [more chuckling] Get a little exercise! You know, twenty push-ups a day, and you never have to be afflicted with women EVER AGAIN!”