Stephen Colbert on Donald Trump

“There once was a man in Nantucket Whose poll numbers really did suck it; At least he is not That orange pol pot Who ate all his meals from a bucket.”

“There's a populism to Trump that I found very appealing. The party elders would like him to go away, but the people have decided that he is not going to... [T]here is something really hopeful about the fact that, well, 36 percent of the likely voters want him to win, so the people in the machine don't get to say otherwise.”

“John Dickerson has way too much dignity to trade insults with the President of the United States to his face. But I, sir, am no John Dickerson. Let me introduce you to something we call the Tiffany Way. When you insult one member of the CBS family, you insult us all. Bazinga. All right. Here we go. All right. Mr. Trump, your presidency, I love your presidency, I call it "Disgrace the Nation". You're not the POTUS, you're the BLOATUS. You're the glutton with the button. You're a regular Gorge Washington. You're the presi-dunce, but you're turning into a real prick-tator. Sir, you attract more skinheads than free Rogaine. You have more people marching against you than cancer. You talk like a sign-language gorilla who got hit in the head. In fact the only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin's cock holster. Your presidential library is going to be a kids' menu and a couple of Juggs magazines. The only thing smaller than your hands is your "tax returns" [holds up little finger] and you can take that any way you want.”