Diogenes Laërtius on Diogenes of Sinope

“To the question what wine he found pleasant to drink, he replied, "That for which other people pay."”

“Being asked where in Greece he saw good men, he replied, "Good men nowhere, but good boys at Sparta."”

“To Xeniades, who had purchased Diogenes at the slave market, he said, "Come, see that you obey orders."”

“He once begged alms of a statue, and, when asked why he did so, replied, "To get practice in being refused."”

“When scolded for masturbating in public, he said "I wish it were as easy to banish hunger by rubbing my belly."”

“He was seized and dragged off to King Philip, and being asked who he was, replied, "A spy upon your insatiable greed."”

“To one who asked what was the proper time for lunch, he said, "If a rich man, when you will; if a poor man, when you can."”

“When some one boasted that at the Pythian games he had vanquished men, Diogenes replied, "Nay, I defeat men, you defeat slaves."”

“When some one reminded him that the people of Sinope had sentenced him to exile, he said, "And I sentenced them to stay at home."”

“One day, observing a child drinking out of his hands, he cast away the cup from his wallet with the words, "A child has beaten me in plainness of living."”

“He was going into a theatre, meeting face to face those who were coming out, and being asked why, "This," he said, "is what I practise doing all my life."”

“Perdiccas threatened to put him to death unless he came to him, "That's nothing wonderful," Diogenes said, "for a beetle or a tarantula would do the same."”

“He used to reason as follows: 'Everything belongs to the gods; the wise are friends of the gods; friends hold all things in common; ergo, everything belongs to the wise.'”

“When asked why people give to beggars but not to philosophers, he replied, 'Because they expect they may become lame and blind, but never that they will become philosophers.'”

“Once he saw the officials of a temple leading away some one who had stolen a bowl belonging to the treasurers, and said, "The great thieves are leading away the little thief."”

“Plato had defined Man as an animal, biped and featherless, and was applauded. Diogenes plucked a fowl and brought it into the lecture-room with the words, "Behold Plato's man!"”

“He was breakfasting in the marketplace, and the bystanders gathered round him with cries of "dog." "It is you who are dogs," cried he, "when you stand round and watch me at my breakfast."”

“On reaching Athens he fell in with Antisthenes. Being repulsed by him, because he never welcomed pupils, by sheer persistence Diogenes wore him out. Once when he stretched out his staff against him, the pupil offered his head with the words, "Strike, for you will find no wood hard enough to keep me away from you, so long as I think you've something to say."”

“When [Diogenes of Sinope] was sold as a slave, he endured it most nobly. For on a voyage to Aegina he was captured by pirates under the command of Scirpalus, conveyed to Crete and exposed for sale. When the auctioneer asked in what he was proficient, he replied, "In ruling men." Thereupon he pointed to a certain Corinthian with a fine purple border to his robe, the man named Xeniades above-mentioned, and said, “Sell me to this man; he needs a master.””