Attila the Stockbroker Quotes (1957-)

“My wardrobe is like a garden
oh, I don't know how I've got the gall!
my wardrobe is just like a wardrobe —
it's not like a garden at all!”

“It first was a rumour dismissed as a lie
but then came the evidence none could deny:
a double page spread in the Sunday Express —
The Russians are running the DHSS!”

“I am one of a team
of Iraqi weapons inspectors
currently travelling through the United Kingdom
under very difficult conditions
searching for weapons of mass distraction.”

“I don't want a fortnight on the Costa del Sol
Don't wanna go to Bognor — it's a plague-ridden hole
and it don't fit in with my ideology...
Down the Adriatic to the Vlora bay
Twenty pints of Fosters and I'm away
'Cos now I know just where I wanna be:
Albania — that's the place for me!”

“And the Lord Rupert looked at his work, and even he saw that it was a load of crap, but this was the enterprise culture and it sold millions so it was good. And on the same basis he decided to take over the television too, and the earth itself wept, and little robins vomited, and cuddly furry animals threw themselves under trains, and the whole thing was filmed by Sky Channel for a horror nature programme, and the most awful thing of all was that this was just the beginning.”

“No agony, no ecstacy, no pleasure and no pain —
so exquisitely uninteresting you drive your wife insane
The TV is your oracle, the newspapers your guide
and your shiny little vehicle is your passion and your pride
You've done the same things every day for nigh on forty years
and in your ludicrous routines you hide your worthless fears
On the blandest boat in Boredom you are captain of the crew
and every time I eat vegetables it makes me think of you.”