I Am America (And So Can You!) Quotes
Satire books
Top Quotes
“Stephen Colbert”
“Wigfield”
“The Colbert Report”
“Agnostics: Atheists without balls.”
“Terrible name for a war. Never set a date for withdrawal.”
“Pointing out an adversary's flaws is a tradition as old as wife-stealing.”
“Ever have a nagging suspicion you're poor? I know my staff does.”
“Sex is like the death penalty: One outcome, so many different ways of carrying it out.”
“A messy home sends a coded message to children: "I'm not loveable. Otherwise, Mom would dust."”
“So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.”
“It's frighteningly intimate and, worst of all, you've got no control. It's like breaking up with a girl in person.”
“Like our Founding Fathers, I hold my Truths to be self-evident, which is why I did absolutely no research.”
“Wikipedia: I Am America (And So Can You!)”
“Make Me America - The official website for I Am America (And So Can You!).”
“Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, "All right, buddy, drop that book."”
“Quit trying to steal our spot as guiltiest religion, Jews! If your mother knew about this blatant theft, it would kill her—kill her.”
“Since seniors can't read this, I can say whatever I want about them. They look like lizards.”
“The Abstinence Bases: 1st Base: Polite Chatter 2nd Base: Eye Contact 3rd Base: A Randy Joke "Why did the mayonnaise blush? Because it saw the salad dressing." Home: Furious Dry Humping”
“Protestantism: This is a variant form of Christianity, or "heresy".”
“The biggest threat facing America today - next to socialized medicine, the Dyson vacuum cleaner, and the recumbent bicycle - is Gay Marriage.”